A mental detox from “wellness”

I’ve been sharing more and more online about how the current wellness culture is making us anything but well, and feeling like I could personally use a mental detox from “wellness.”

Do I think things like meditation, yoga, or eating mindfully are helpful? Yes, one thousand percent. They are the tools that got me where I am today. But they are only part of the story.

While I believe wellness culture was initially intended to help us feel well, I think somewhere along the way, we’ve confused it with something to do versus a remembering of who we truly are.

We’ve forgotten the “we” in wellness. True wellness is not about the individual, but about the whole. Remembering our connection to the self, to each other, and to the world at large.

You and I are not broken. But somewhere along the line, we’ve been convinced that we are (thanks to capitalism, the patriarchy, and wellness culture, just to name a few).

While I think this conversation is so much bigger than just one post, I wanted to share some thoughts on what I would do, starting today, if I were a woman in midlife questioning her relationship with wellness culture and looking to maybe, for the first time, actually feel well.

Here’s how I would start a mental detox from “wellness”:

Begin by cultivating a daily mindfulness practice.

This is your foundation. For me, that’s 15-20 minutes every morning in stillness. No phone, no special crystal, app, or hand gesture. Just me, myself, and my breath. That’s it. It costs you nothing but will give you everything.

It can be so easy to want to skip this step. To say that you don’t have time or space or that you’re just “not good” at it. But out of anything you do, this is truly the most important.

We’ve become so disconnected from ourselves that learning to sit and be with our feelings and emotions is one of the most uncomfortable things we can do. So it makes sense that we feel resistance. Quite simply, we just don’t want to because it’s hard – so we make up a million excuses. But if I know anything, it’s that this is it. This is where the magic happens. This is the foundation. (* and If you don’t know where to begin, start by listening to this episode on beginning your own meditation practice).

Become aware of outside noise.

Of the influencers you follow, the friend who seems to always know the best new supplement or trend, and the stories in your head as you gaze in the mirror. Just notice them. Be aware of how much “noise” (internally and externally) infiltrates you.

Awareness is our biggest tool here. Even just becoming aware of all the noise dismantles its power. You don’t have to change it; you just have to be able to see it. Social media isn’t going anywhere anytime soon, your friend isn’t going to stop sharing unsolicited advice, and your mind isn’t going to change overnight – but the fact that you can begin SEEING these tiny moments helps give you back your power and creates space.

Begin noticing your stories.

Begin to notice your own voice and reactions to things. When you gaze at your reflection as you’re getting dressed for the day, as you have interactions, as you lay your head down on the pillow – where does your mind go?

Rather than focusing your attention on shame around how you feel about your body, for example, ask yourself why you’re worried about a number or a pant size in the first place; where is that coming from? Where did you learn this?

Again, we’re just building awareness here. Slowly excavating some of these outdated mindsets and stories.

This is a great place where journaling can be incredibly powerful.

Cultivate radical self-love

This is one of the hardest parts for me personally, and for so many of the women I work with. After we’ve become aware of and excavated some of these outdated stories and mindsets, we have an opportunity to replace them with new wiring and thought patterns based on radical self-love. One that puts you back in the center of your story, which can feel indulgent, selfish, and even vulnerable for many of us. There is a lot of shame we carry as women that makes it hard to truly see ourselves as worthy of love. It will not happen overnight, but instead is a daily practice.

Show up authentically in your life.

And give other women permission to do the same. We’re ALL walking around with so many masks: filters online, botox, smiles, personas. Whether we’re aware of it or not, society has convinced us that this is where our worth lies – in a pant size, a job title, a bank account number, a wrinkle-free forehead, a pleasing demeanor.

But you and I both know none of these things are real or have anything to do with our true worth. Who we are is so much bigger than that – yet we’re ALL still so afraid to show up without our masks and simply be.

So I will invite you to pay attention to where you show up authentically in your life, where you’re wearing a mask, performing, pretending – and choose a different way.

Become an advocate for change.

For me, this is the most powerful step. When we stop seeing wellness as an indidivial task, but rather a collective experience. We need to remember the “we” in wellness. It’s become too individualized. We’ve severed ourselves from each other, hurting ourselves collectively and individually.

We are hardwired for connection and belonging. To feel a part of something bigger. There is an ache in all of our hearts that can not be filled with individual pursuits; it requires a connection to the collective. Remebering that we aren’t some one – but rather the sum of the one.

We are each a stone waiting to be dropped into a pond. Asking ourselves, where can I be of service today? Whose voices are being unheard? Who is being unseen? And more importantly, how can I help?

If we ALL woke up and remembered our part in the whole, the world would look and feel so different. We keep waiting for the world to change, forgetting that we are that something. We are the change. Right now, you reading this, are the stone. What ripple effect will you create?

Wellness culture isn’t going anywhere, and systems of oppression aren’t going to disappear. Patriarchy and capitalism aren’t going to all of a sudden change overnight.

But maybe we can.

If we can do anything right now to help us feel truly well, it’s to remember that we are not broken. But the systems we’re living in are.

And changing that, will require us all.

• For other posts about current wellness culture, be sure to read “I’m not anti-wellness,” which shares more about my accidental journey into wellness culture and how I’ve been stepping back and questioning if wellness culture is doing more harm than good.