I started writing this post a few days ago and just hit delete (on purpose, but nonetheless, scrapped the whole damn thing). Ugh. It’s ok, it was junk.
It just didn’t feel right. I don’t know. Something about starting the year with all these grand lessons I learned from last year and what I want for this year – it just felt, not me.
While I’m sure there’s a shit ton of stuff I learned this year, half of it I haven’t even figured out or processed. And I’m not going to pretend like I have had some great “knowing” now just because it’s 1/1 and serve you up some “lessons I’ve learned in 2021” when I’m still trying to just catch my breath from this year – let alone process any “lessons”.
So instead of some big epiphany this year of “what I’ve learned”, I’m just gonna share what’s on my heart. How does that sound?
We’re gonna do things a little differently around here (today and probably from now on).
So while I’m still trying to catch my breath from this year, here’s what I know…
This year I want
More freedom. More speaking off the cuff. Trusting my gut. Speaking my mind. No more editing and rewriting or censoring myself. And not just from me. I want that for all of you. For the people I surround myself with. For my kids and JP. More permission and freedom to just create. to share. to speak from the heart without fear. to build, tear apart and build again without fear or worry of judgment.
This year I stopped censoring myself, in a lot of ways. In relationships – from my parents, to friends, and even with some of you. And at times it was really uncomfortable. But also really liberating. I feel so much closer to those people in my life now. And I feel free. I had to say “I’m sorry” a lot. And accept some apologies too. But it feels real and true.
I want more of THAT this year. More freedom in our relationship, in our voices, in our ideas. More freedom.
More clarity. I want to feel light and awake. To feel GOOD in my skin. I want to love my body and treat it like I love it. Which means making hard choices. Changing some habits. Holding myself accountable.
This year I gave up drinking, and it kind of scares me to say this but it was one of the best decisions of my life. 365 days without a drink. It was so much more than just “not drinking”. It was proving to myself that I could do it. I could keep a promise to myself. It was a choice I made, every day.
I want more decisions like that. More choices made not to cut things OUT of my life, but made to add IN to my life. Choices made out of deep self-love. Made because I know I deserve better, my body deserves better, and the only person who can give me that…is me.
I want to wake up, look in the mirror, and feel good about what I see reflected back, with clarity.
More authentic connections. Less acquaintances, and more authentic, true friendships.
This year I’ve shared more vulnerably with many of you here than I have with a lot of other people. And in turn, I’ve had the honor of being on the receiving end of that same vulnerability.
Hearing so many of your personal stories and witnessing your journeys, has been such a gift and opened me up in ways I couldn’t have expected. You sharing parts of your inner world, have helped me find parts of mine.
Because of this, I feel more seen, heard, and loved than I ever have. And I’m craving space for more of that. More authentic, real connections.
I want to cultivate
More faith. More trust in the big picture knowing that the universe is doing everything in its power to give me everything I could have ever wanted, and then some. And all I have to do is lean in and trust.
This year was so uncomfortable for me as I began to grow this business, starting before I actually had a plan (or even anything created). Which was so new for me. But had I done it any other way, had I “planned” first and acted second, none of the success I had this year would have happened. It was literally a leap of faith. All of it.
I want to cultivate more of that this year. Trusting the universe and leaning in with blind faith.
I one hundred percent believe that the plan for me is already out there, just waiting for me to say “yes”. And I know that same thing is true for all of you too. There is so much abundance available to all of us, and all that’s required is faith.
I’m committing to
More daily rituals.
As I look back at this year it was never the “big” things that changed me, but instead all the daily little rituals. Showing up on my meditation cushion, daily. Getting up before my kids and turning on the tea kettle, daily.
It was all the little things. The small, daily choices, made over and over and over again.
This year I want to invite in more rituals. Habits and routines, done with intention.
As I look back on this year, I’m overwhelmed with gratitude, for all of it. While this year was one of the most challenging and pushed me way past my comfort zone – it was also the happiest and most content I’ve ever been. And it makes me excited for what’s next.
This year feels wide open for me. For all of us. More so than any other year, because I had a small taste of what’s possible. It’s like I got a little sneak peek behind a curtain and I realized that it’s all there. It’s all possible.
And in that same breath, I feel such deep, deep contentment with exactly where I’m at. I feel no rush. There’s no “need” for more. Rather a deep knowing that there IS more coming our way, and I’m open for whatever that may be.
Moments of 2021 I hold dear