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Doing the holidays differently
It’s the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. I swore I wasn’t cooking this year. And yet my dishwasher is running for what is now the hundredth time today, bread is “drying out” in my oven for stuffing, and my kids are playing Nintendo in the not-far-enough distance because I can hear them fighting.
Long way of saying – looks like I am cooking this year (and clearly a little resentful about it).
I’ve been wrestling a lot with the holidays this year. When we moved to southern California two years ago, I wasn’t conscious that we were running from family/the holidays – but maybe in some small way, I was. I don’t know.
Over the years, JP and I had hosted a lot, and somewhere between babies being little, the booze we over-consumed, and family arguments – it lost its luster on me.
I stopped enjoying it.
When we got settled out west, I had convinced myself that we’d do things “differently.” No pressure, I said. We’d take it easy. Just us, the kids, the beach. We’d rewrite our story.
This is our third holiday season out here now, and in some way I’m still figuring out what in the hell that means. And asking myself, what is it that I want? Like really want? What would feel really good to me?
And to be honest, I’m not one hundred percent sure.
But I do know that I no longer feel pressure or obligation about any of it, and that feels really liberating.
I’m really present with my kids now on these holidays. I’m not orchestrating or planning the magical moments – I’m in them. Experiencing them. And that feels really different and new for them.
A friend of mine recently shared the concept of “cherished outcomes” with me, and as she spoke, I quickly realized how often I do that in my life. How in my head I have an idea of how things “should” be, how I want them to go, instead of simply allowing them to be.
Looking back, I realize how many holidays I spent not only orchestrating my “cherished outcomes”, but also the pressure and expectations I felt from others to create theirs. One big invisible web of pressure. On all of us.
I shared more about this topic on the podcast last week (you can listen here) around rewriting some of these old stories and cherished outcomes.
I share this now because I think so many of us find ourselves in a similar season of wanting to rewrite holiday traditions or, at the very least, just stepping back and consciously making new choices. So consider this your (and my) reminder that we get to choose. All of it.
You get to choose how you want to feel, what you value, how you spend your time, the traditions your family either creates or rewrites. You have agency over all of it.
How this next month goes (or your whole life, for that matter) is up to one thing – YOU.
I say this all the time, but the beauty of having agency and freedom over your life is that, at any point, you get to choose again. Change your mind. Or start something new. At any point. None of this is permanent or fixed. It’s all fluid. And let’s be honest, we’re all just making it up as we go.
So maybe this month, take a moment to step back and give yourself permission to ask yourself – what is it that I want? Truly. What would feel really good to me this year for the holidays? And then go make that happen. Without guilt. Without shame. Knowing that you are worthy of “all” of it – whatever that looks like for you.
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