Today is my 42nd birthday.
I set my alarm last night so I could wake up early, come downstairs while the house was quiet, and write. Because I genuinely love writing. It’s a gift for me. On my birthday.
This post is for me. I write a lot of times for a lot of other people, but today I’m writing for myself. And for you. And for any woman out there who’s getting a little older and needs to hear this.
So forgive me if some of this is wordy or long or doesn’t make sense. It’s just a stream of consciousness. My thoughts as I work this morning. I’m not gonna proofread it, or overthink it, or work it to optimize SEO. It’s just my thoughts on today. This is just for me.
I think today is one of the happiest I’ve ever been. Which is widely crazy. But I am. And I am because I’m just so flipping fired up about the year to come and what’s possible and what is in store for me.
I want to get one thing clear first. I am so abundantly grateful for my life. My marriage, my four HEALTHY HAPPY kids, my warm beautiful home, this community. My life is seeped in good. And I know that. For years I have been talking about gratitude and seeing the good.
And while that’s true….
I’ve had this little ping inside my heart for years. I could never quite put my finger on it. Almost a little sadness, mixed with a little regret. Like I was getting older and maybe I hadn’t accomplished all that I wanted. All that I knew I could. Like I had settled for less. But I thought it was normal. Didn’t everyone feel this to some extent? All the things we let go of, for the sake of “selflessness”, to be a better wife or mother.
And while maybe everyone does feel this to some degree, it’s not working for me. I’m not letting another year go by doing this.
Everything I’ve done in my life up until now has been for someone else. My kids, my marriage, my family. (I mean isn’t that what we’re taught at women?)
but I have someone more important to worry about, Katy 10 years from now.
Everything I’m doing from here on out is for Katy in 2031. Katy at 52.
She’s the one I need to worry about. She’s the one I need to spend the next decade working so fricking hard for.
I owe this to her.
When I meet her at 52, a decade from now, I want her to wake up in the morning, look herself in the mirror, and be so damn proud. And say you fucking crushed it. Look what you did? Look what you built? Look at the example you set for your kids? You worked so flipping hard every day and god do I love you for that. You did good, kid. I’m proud of you.
To appreciate what’s in front of me. Be grounded in that, yes, – but to be able to SEE PAST IT. Have a vision that’s bigger than just what’s in front of me.
Here’s what I want this year. No, scratch that, here’s what I’m doing at 42:
Writing a book. And a damn good one. Getting it in hands. Making it actually come to life.
Growing this community. Welcoming in so many more women and finding new ways to serve them.
Rebranding “Grace in the Crumbs” to be something more. More me. Less woman who I was in my 30s and more the woman that I am in my 40s. (I mean, am I still picking up crumbs from the floor – mama got a Dyson for that now. She’s off the floor). Be ok to walk away from what I built, to build something bigger. “Grace in the Crumbs” was my baby that served me well for many years, but she’s ready and I’m ready for something more.
Finding ways to monetize this blog. And I’m not talking about small partnerships, I mean real money. Paying for my kid’s college money. And YES, it’s ok to talk about money. Especially for women. We don’t do it enough. Let’s stop being afraid to put a dollar amount out there – men do it every day.
It scares the shit out of me putting all of this out there. It’s one thing having these things written down for me privately, another putting it out there for all of you to read.
And even if it’s just somewhere in the middle. I think it will still feel like a win in my eyes.
I don’t really know what the point of any of this is, or why I’m sharing it with all of you. Maybe to invite you in. To invite you along for the ride this year. Or maybe to encourage you to do the same.
So many of you are just like me. Women, mothers, pleasers, does. And I think we need to hear it more and see it more that it’s ok to break out of our molds, out of our lanes, and do something that scares the crap out of us.
Here’s to 42. But more importantly, here’s to Katy at 52. I’m coming for you. Get ready.
Now for all you ladies reading this – go chase YOU!